@Big F1 Fan
I Hope your surgery went well last friday mate and you are on the road now to some sort of recovery.
That you can identify, acknowledge and vocalise what some of your issues are is a huge thing, as I'm sure that therapist of yours has told you
It's also great that you have found something that makes you happy. Yah for motorcycling!
I started riding at 10 yrs old (I'm 49 now) and during this time there has only been a period of about 4 or 5 years when I didnt own a motorcycle. This was the period in my life when the wheels fell off...
I wont bore y'all with my personal story but aint that some coincidence that it happened when I had turned my back on motorcycling. AND, unsurprisingly, the best therapy was buying another bike and getting back out there with my visor up and wind blowing through my helmet clearing away a lot of the $hit in my head.
That bike I bought was a Honda CBR250. A big departure from what I had ridden previously, but it was just the catalyst I needed to get myself heading in the right direction again, on two wheels.
Within a couple of months of buying it a friend who races encouraged me to do a 'Have a go' day at our local track. This was five years ago and I have embraced racing whole heartedly to the point where it is a huge part of my life now. I am currently preparing to race in the National championship this coming (southern hemisphere) summer. I just wanted to mention the racing bit as it has had huge benefits on my mental well-being and given me a real focus. You also can't beat the adrenaline rush of a close race.
So hang in there bud, I'm sure there is light around the corner. Clip the apex on the way to it!